Sunday, 19 May 2013

Keeping It Simple


 
 
 
This post will be different from most, in that there will be no references to drinking, or post drinking culinary exploits. For the last few weeks I have been behaving like an actual grown up and laying off the drink (apart from the odd glass here and there - nobody's perfect). I'm not sure how much longer this will last, but while it does, let me share a few of my findings:
1. Not consuming more than one drink on a Friday night enables you to achieve feats normally unthinkable on a Saturday.
2. Quite a lot of people are up and about and doing stuff early on Saturday morning.
3. A weekend not spent either drinking or recovering does bring an enormous sense of smuggery, especially when you live with someone who is not following the same regime.
 
 




I'm pleased to say I've been making the most of it. Yesterday (Saturday) morning, after jumping out of bed at 8am (8am!) and having a quick shower and putting my face on, I headed down to my local fishmongers to pick up a crab I had ordered the day before. This in itself was a revelation, because I normally don't make it to the fishmongers before 3pm on a Saturday, by which time there isn't a lot left. At 9am it's a different story. The counter was full of gleaming, glistening, spanking fresh fish, all straight off the boats sitting in the harbour just next to the shop. Unfortunately I had no need of any of it, but that's not the point. I picked up my crab, which was still warm from having just been cooked (caught only hours before) and skipped home with it, shouting loudly 'Morning!' to bemused American tourists, all fresh off the cruise boats.
I could have just ordered crab meat and saved myself the hour it took when I got it home to smash it up, pick, scrape out and painstakingly check for bits of shell, but where would be the fun in that? Also, it is much more cost effective to do it yourself, much more satisfying to eat, and actually quite fun when you get into it. Above all, preparing crab like this at home has given me one thing I did not have previously - an appreciation for the brown meat.
 


Like some crustacean based coming of age, I have graduated from my preference for the sweet white meat, and found true love in the earthier, richer, crabbier, more delicious dark meat. For me, realising that the brown meat is so much nicer than the white is akin to the realisation that the best bit of a prawn is what is contained in the head. It's a graduation, from the safe and childlike to the grown up. From Cosmopolitans to Old Fashioneds. From Dairy Milk to 70% coco solids with chilli. From kissing, to hands-in-pants. There was a time when I wouldn't have touched the stuff. Apart from anything else, it doesn't look very appetising. Even when  it has been properly mixed up, it is essentially a grainy, brown wet paste. 'This isn't for me', I used to think. That is until I stopped buying the meat in bags and started bringing home the tough little fuckers to do battle with in my own home.
 
 
 
You see, there is so much brown meat to be found in a crab (I am talking about brown crabs here, I've yet to have a go on a spider or king crab), and after spending just over £10 and an hour of your life decimating it, to just throw away a good portion of the fruits of your labour seems nuts. So, after deciding to man up, not too long ago, I tried it. Not added to something else, or disguised by other ingredients, or lost in a crab cake, but just on its own, on a slice of freshly baked brown bread and butter, with a bit of white meat on top, mayonnaise and a squeeze of lemon.  And you know what, it was delicious. So much so that I now look forward to the brown meat more than the white. But I have to admit that I have still not moved on from the original brown bread, butter, mayo, lemon combo. Why would I?
 
 
I've thought about it, don't get me wrong, and I own shelves and shelves of books containing hundreds of recipes for crab. A brief search on the internet will bring you hundreds of thousands, but I can't help but return to the question - What's the point? I don't know if it is age, whether I am subliminally taking on board the message being spread by many celebrity chefs at the moment that 'simple is good' or 'take three ingredients', or just that after the recent fixation with 'molecular gastronomy', chemicals in the kitchen, foams, spherification, mists, gels and Heston, we're all just craving something different again. But whatever it is, I'm certainly finding the most exciting things I'm eating at the moment, both in my kitchen and outside of it, are simple and inexpensive. A few weeks ago for lunch, I ate a few bits of toasted ciabatta rubbed with garlic, some chopped ripe tomatoes that had been sitting for ten minutes in olive oil, white wine vinegar and salt and pepper, some fresh basil leaves, and some amazing mozzarella.
 
 
 
The mozzarella so creamy inside that it barely held itself together. A bit of fresh black pepper on top and that was it. A few years ago I would have turned my nose up at that (cheese and tomato on toast? Piss off), but right now it just feels right. Whether you're a bit strapped for cash or not, what's the point in eating expensive items all the time? Don't get me wrong, I won't ever stop eating and enjoying fillet steak, foie Gras, oysters, lobster and champagne, it's just that I don't think there's the need to do it as often. Thrifty cooks from around the world unite: Keep it simple. It's the future (I've seen it).

Saturday, 11 May 2013

The Land Of The Free (and the home of the chicken wing)





Last November (2012) I went to California for one week. Principally for a beautiful wedding, secondly to eat. During that week, we (my lovely friends Jodie and Nick...a couple...it was an interesting time) watched the sunset on Venice beach (all holding hands), drove up the coast from Santa Monica to to San Fransisco, met a lovely lesbian called Kathy, nearly died of fear in 'The Tenderloin' (look it up), saw more old Chinese women hanging out of bins than I'd care to mention, gazed upon the (somewhat disappointingly small) Hollywood sign 'in the flesh', got ID'd more times in 24 hours than in the last 10 years put together, saw some things in a sex shop on The Castro that will remain burned into our souls forever, fell in love with American Beer, and ate 50+ of the hottest chicken wings EVER. I ate a lot of hot chicken wings. A very lot. Every day. At every meal. In fact, wherever we went, if there were chicken wings on offer, we ordered some. And God they were good. Some better than others, but all very, very good.




I am slightly dubious about the 'chicken wing' description bandied about on the menus, because if these wings come from actual chickens, they must be the biggest chickens known to humanity. All of them were at least double the size of any chicken wing I have ever seen in the UK. I understand that in 'The States' everything is bigger. The cars, the roads, the portions, the people...but my God, these wings were something else. I can only imagine the horror of the steroids and the factory farming, but we were only there for a week. And as they say, when in Rome. By way of some kind of penance, when I got home I bought a vegan cookbook and tried coconut milk yogurt for the first time ever. Have you ever tried coconut milk yogurt? If you haven't, don't. I've tried it for you. It's fucking horrible.




(FYI, this is me eating the hottest ones we found. It was a special moment, and one that I'm glad we captured. Thank you Jodie. Note how red my lips are and the concentrated frown. I can still feel the burn)

If I try and put my finger on why the chicken wings were all so amazing, I think it was a combination of factors. Firstly, as I've just gone on about at length, they were all massive, which really helps. Secondly, they were all, I am quite certain, deep fried after being coated in some sort of heavily seasoned flour, making the outside fantastically crispy. Thirdly, they were all finished in a variation of hot sauce and butter, and then brought straight out to you with a bowl of blue cheese sauce and some celery. For me, the last two items are unnecessary. You can keep your offensive garnish and creamy sauce thanks Uncle Sam, just give me the good stuff. I imagine I'm on my own here as the whole blue sauce thing is a bit of an institution, but it's just not for me.




I cannot imagine a better accompaniment to a few cold beers. Yes, you get covered in sauce and your hands get sticky and it's not pleasant to watch or be watched while getting stuck in, but who cares? Oooooh Matron! (I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Every now and then my Inner Kenneth Williams flares up and I just can't help myself).




Anyway, I spent most of the journey up to San Fransisco when I should have been admiring the breath taking scenery from the back of the car, day dreaming about how I was going to open a pub in Finsbury Park in North London on my return to Blighty that only serves a vast selection of independent top quality beers, and chicken wings. That's it. You want cocktails? Fuck off down Upper Street. Do we do crisps? I think you'll find Tesco have shelves of them. Tomato Juice? WHO ORDERS TOMATO JUICE IN A PUB? EVER? GET OUT MORON. I'm not sure how far that sort of attitude would get me during a time where pubs in the UK are closing at a rate of about 2,000 a day (or something), but I recon I could make it work.
Other than the chicken wings, we ate some spectacular food, and I took photos of pretty much everything. I behaved at every opportunity like the worst possible sort of tourist cum food blogger imaginable (I don't actually apply that title to myself). Snapping away whenever it took my fancy, at both my food, and my dining companions. As you can see from just a couple of shots, they were well happy about it:




 
I think that this particular face came about at the end of a week of eating high calorie, carbohydrate and fat rich food, by which point we were all just screaming internally for a salad. Incidentally, this was the place where I ate the best macaroni cheese ever. Ever. Fair play it was enough to feed about four people, and by then I should have known that my body was on the ropes, screaming for something green and steamed, but it was our last night, and I HAD to have macaroni cheese before we flew back to the UK. I'd gone on about it all week, and this was my last opportunity (who has macaroni cheese for breakfast?)





I won't include everything in tedious detail, so I've picked a few of my favourites. Like the prawn omelette. And the deep fried Twinky - the wrongest thing ever created for human consumption. You think Findus Crispy Pancakes aren't right? You've got no idea.

Sandwiches



This was THE BEST fish sandwich I have ever eaten. Swordfish it was, and probably the only piece of fish I ate all week.




 'The Big Steve'. Meat, cheese, salad, mayo, chutney, rye bread, sandwich heaven.


Chicken Wings

 




(mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm)

Breakfast in Alcatraz 
(doesn't look that bad to me)

 
Deep Fried Twinky 
(Seriously)



Best Omelette In The World 
(Grilled tiger prawns, fresh goat cheese, oven roasted tomatoes, spinach. In Downtown Hollywood, in the trendiest restaurant we were lucky enough to stumble across. So trendy they had a crazy bath in the middle of the floor, suspended above which were many bottles of honey. Very cool.)


 

Amazing Sushi

(Santa Monica, night 2. Notable not only for the quality of the fish, nor the amount that we spent, but for the beauty of our waiter. I would have got a picture of him, but I was too embarrassed to take one after he overheard me saying something inappropriate regarding what I actually wanted for dessert.



Hot Sauce
(Found on every table of every bar. Why can't it be like this in Britain?)





And Finally, THANK YOU

(To Jodie and Nick, who put up with me all week preventing any sort of romance happening. I couldn't have asked for two better travelling companions. Love you both)