A Time For Offal

‘Everyone who wishes to embrace the holistic, ‘nose to tail’ approach

to meat should buy a pig’s head once in a while and make brawn’

Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall ‘The River Cottage Meat Book’

I did say I would and I did. I brought home a pig head today in a bucket, quartered, scrubbed (you actually have to scrub the wax out of the ears - seriously), and ready for the pot. For the last three hours it has been bubbling away with a couple of onions, half a head of celery, a few carrots, some spices (cloves, coriander, black peppercorns) and half a packet of fresh rosemary. My kitchen looked a bit like a scene from ‘Saw’ for a while, and when I tipped the head from the bucket, I did feel a bit sick. As it is, I was hoping that by now, the meat in the pot would look just like cooked meat but nope, it definitely still looks like pig head. Once it’s been in for another hour, I have to take it out and pull the meat off the bones (not really looking forward to this bit), put it into a terrine, pour over some of the cooking liquid and leave it to set in the fridge. I’m apprehensive to say the least.

As if this wasn’t enough, I started soaking some chicken livers in milk last night so I could make some pate today. I know, just call me Hugh I’ll-eat-fucking-anything Fearnley-Whittingstall. Whilst the jury is still out on the pigs head terrine (my whole flat now smells distinctly of boiled pig, and I can’t get rid of the thought that there are a pair of eyes and a severed brain in my favourite big pot), I can tell you with confidence that the pate is delicious. I used a really basic recipe; however I did two things differently to usual:

                                                                                                                                                                   

      1. I passed the pate through an incredibly fine sieve before I put it into the dish, and 

      2. I added a bit of truffle oil (it makes pretty much anything taste better).

I would like to warn you though, when I flambéed the chicken livers and brandy I nearly gave myself third degree burns. Definitely try the pate recipe. The pigs head terrine (i.e. Brawn), I’ll keep you posted. I hope you enjoy the extra photos of the pig pre quartering (we’re just crazy us chefs).

Super smooth chicken liver pate

Chicken livers (about 500g, trimmed of any white stringy bits, drained and soaked in milk for an hour/overnight)

1 onion (finely chopped)

2 cloves of garlic (finely chopped)

Salt and pepper

100g butter

Salt and pepper

Good shot of brandy

Truffle oil (a splash)

Cooking oil (a tiny splash)

Double cream (about 100ml)

Melt half the butter and a bit of oil in a pan and fry off the onion and garlic for a few minutes. Turn the heat up and add the livers. Fry until nicely caramelised but still soft, add the brandy and light (stand back first, unless you don’t like your eyebrows). Stick in a blender and blitz, add the rest of the butter (cubed, keep it cold), pour in the cream and the truffle oil and some salt and pepper. Pour through a fine sieve into a dish, cover and put in the fridge. Once set, pour over some clarified butter (melt butter, put to one side. Clarified butter is the clear liquid that lies on top of the white milk solids). Eat with toast, or impress your friends by using to make a beef wellington.

Gorgeous Georgea’s Gorgeous Prawn Cocktail

Two V & Ts and half a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc (cheeky little South African) down and I’m feeling pretty good. Friday night, bingo!

For dinner this evening we had the most amazing prawn cocktail in the world (and a pizza, salad cream, sure). This is not prawn cocktail as you might know it. This is Georgea’s ‘shrimp cocktail’. I’m not going to say anything more about it, because it has big enough Mexican cohones to speak for itself. What I will say is, even though it might not sound like your sort of thing (I absolutely did not think I would like this before I ate it), please, please, please try it at least once. Dare I say it; it’s the most exciting thing I’ve eaten this year. And if you can get Clamato then do it, it makes all the difference.

Gorgeous Georgea’s Gorgeous Prawn Cocktail

King prawns (cooked and peeled)

1 small bottle of Clamato (If you can’t get it, tomato juice is OK)

2 sticks of celery (peeled and roughly chopped)

1 small white onion (peeled and roughly chopped)

1 packet fresh coriander

1 green chilli

Tabasco sauce (a good few drops)

1 advocado (ripe, obviously)

1 lime (juice)

Sherry vinegar (a splash)

Salt and pepper

Good olive oil (a good glug)

Truffle oil (just a few drops, makes it even more special)

Chipotle Tabasco sauce (a few drops to serve)

In a blender, put your chilli, onion and celery and blend it. Then add your Clamato/tomato juice, lime juice, seasoning, vinegar, some chopped coriander and some seasoning and blend again. Taste. Add more salt and pepper if it needs it (don’t be shy. Feel free to add some Worcester sauce/nam pla if you fancy).

Share the prawns amongst the bowls, pour the clamato mix in, top with roughly chopped advocado, chopped coriander, more olive oil, a few drops of truffle oil, black pepper, and if you have it some chipotle Tabasco. Serve. Eat. Thank me the next time you see me.

Kitchen Napalm and the pig

Today I learnt a valuable lesson which resulted in my tears that I would like to pass on to you. When using ground white pepper, always season whatever you’re cooking before you put it in the pan. If, by some unfortunate accident you accidently sprinkle ground white pepper onto a hot dry pan and don’t run to the opposite side of the kitchen immediately, you’ll find yourself inhaling horrendous, acrid smoke which will make your eyes stream and your lungs ache. I’ve never been on the receiving end of tear gas, but I imagine that this is what it must be like. I‘m well aware that some people are of the opinion that I exaggerate at times where matters of my health are concerned (I had a spot in the middle of my forehead recently that pretty much had its own gravitational pull. I went to the doctors about it – she told me to just go home), but for a good five minutes I wondered whether I had done myself some serious damage. This was hilarious to everyone except me, and I am reliably informed that the same effect can be achieved using Tabasco sauce. Surely a good one to remember next time you find yourself in the kitchen with the person who always finishes the milk/always drinks orange juice straight from the carton (I really, really hate that). I’m not really sure how you would set this up, or even that it is a good idea that you try, but it’s something to bear in mind. Other than that, today was pretty uneventful. More prep for the weekend (many weddings and canapé parties and a dinner for 500 on Saturday), and a lot of promising myself that I will have early nights all weekend. Fingers crossed.

Also, just to give you another small insight, this is what was facing me this morning at 8am when I arrived at work.

I'm not normally squeemish, but this was a bit much even for me. We always just throw the head away before we put the pig onto the spit, which is a real shame as I know you can do so much with it, but I just don't know if I have the stomach for it. In the interests of research, the next one we get, I'll bring the head home and try and make it into something edible. At college we all tasted pan fried pig brain which actually tasted pretty good once you got over the marshmallowy texture and the image of Ray Liotta in the final scene of Hannibal out of your mind (I'm so sorry, I just had to post it once i'd found it. Isn't the internet a wonderful thing?)

I'm also quite paranoid about having severed heads around in the kitchen because I've been told that a 'classic' is to drop an eyeball into tea, which is 'hilarious' because they don't float, which means you wouldn't know about it until you reached the end. Imagine that. 

Apologies again for the annoying and irregular formatting, i'm trying my best but failing at the moment to sort it out. In time it will get fixed, I promise.

African Beauties and two-for-one Thai fish cakes

There is nothing like a bit of politically incorrect shellfish packaging to brighten up the day. I got some seriously funny looks taking the picture below, but I really feel that I need to share this with you.

Bizarrely enough, nobody else at work finds this funny. What is wrong with them? I especially like the fact that the lady in question isn’t really that hot. Diesel just said that he found the whole thing confusing.

‘What is the point of it? What next? A big cock on the side of your milk carton?’

I imagine that the intention is that more people will buy these prawns because they have boobs on the front of the box, but I’m pretty certain that isn’t why we buy them. Maybe the marketing director just likes boobs. These are the real African beauties, and very beautiful they are indeed. 

Thankfully I didn’t have the pleasure of shelling them. Instead I spent a few hours making Thai crab cakes (280) for a big function we have on Saturday. Honestly, the last thing in the world I fancy after making that many crab cakes, is crab cakes. But it did remind me of some delicious fish cakes I made not too long ago that I would like to share with you. The best thing about this recipe is the potato skins that you have to eat with cheese, or prawns with garlic mayonnaise, or sour cream and chive or whatever while you wait for the fish cakes to cook. Also, as they’re not covered in breadcrumbs or fried they aren’t really bad for you in any way, which kind of means you can smash as many as you like (not really, that is not valid dietary advice). You can of course use whatever fish you like (the sustainable type, obviously) and white crab meat works really well. Of course, feel free to add more chilli if you like them hot, but for goodness sake keep tasting them as you go to avoid rendering them inedible. That is one thing that lots and lots of chefs don’t do, and even more home cooks don’t do that they really should. If you watch any good chef cook anything they’re constantly tasting things and adjusting seasoning, even if it means a mouthful or raw pork here and there. I’m not suggesting you should eat raw pork, and under no circumstances raw chicken, but where you can, keep tasting. It will avoid disaster!

Two for one Thai fish cakes

4 baking potatoes

2/3 large fish fillets (Pollock and Salmon work well)

A packet of cooked king prawns (cut up, not too finely)

Thai curry paste (red or green, at least a tablespoon)

Fish sauce (good splash)

2 cloves of garlic (crushed)

1 chilli (finely chopped)

Sweet chilli sauce (a glug, to taste)

Bunch of spring onions (chopped)

Packet of fresh coriander (chopped. Not too fine, coriander doesn’t like it)

Salt and pepper

White wine (a splash to poach the fish in)

1 lime (1/2 sliced to poach the fish and the juice of the other half to go into the fish cakes)

Prick your potatoes all over and put in the oven (180/gas 5) for about 1 ½ hours or until tender and fluffy in the middle and crispy on the outside. While the potatoes are in the oven, wrap in a baking paper parcel the fish with half the lime sliced, a bit of coriander, salt and pepper and a splash of wine. Wrap this in foil, and put in the oven for about 10 minutes, or until the fish is just cooked (only just!). Depending on how thick your fillets are, it may take more or less time. Just keep checking until you’re happy.

Once the fish is cooked, flake into a bowl, scoop out the potato into the bowl, and add everything else to the same bowl. Mix together (get your hands in, it feels lovely. Maybe that's just me) until combined, but try not to mush the fish flakes up too much. Taste, adjust the seasoning until you’re happy and then roll into balls. I like big balls (grow up), about the size of an apple. Then put your balls onto a non stick baking tray/oiled baking paper on a baking tray. Drizzle with olive oil and put back into the oven for 25 minutes or until starting to go crispy on the outside. Serve with a really simple salad and a bottle of chilled white wine - delicious.

As I said, my favourite thing about doing them this way is that you get to eat the skins as a little pre dinner nibble/starter. Once they have been scooped out, cut the halves in half again, drizzle with olive oil and a good pinch of sea salt and put back in the oven to crisp up for about 5 – 10 minutes. Once out the oven, just fill with whatever you fancy. The last time I did them I saved some of the prawns from the fishcakes and mixed them with some fresh garlic mayo and then filled the skins with this. Two courses for the price of one. You can’t say fairer than that.

An even longer day

It’s 10pm and I have just got in and sat down, after starting in college at 8.45 this morning. I am knackered. The molecular gastronomy evening at work was awesome. James (the Sous Chef) did an amazing job and Ben Le Provost (amazing chocolate maker based in Guernsey) also did some cool demonstrations making marmite chocolates and geranium chocolates - both of which tasted incredible. We even had someone in from the Guernsey Press (the island newspaper) so I might be in tomorrow’s paper – cash back! As you might imagine, I have a lot to say about what James cooked and I also want to give you some recipes, esp. as I took some awesome photos using Laurent’s (my lovely Frenchy foodie friend/colleague of Diesel/boyfriend of Georgea) very new and exciting camera. Right now though, I just want to go to bed and sleep, and as a result I don’t have the will or the energy to write anything of interest so I think I’ll leave it at that. However, I would like to say thank you to everyone who is reading and now following this blog. I’m so grateful and it makes me feel all warm inside to know you people are reading. Please stick with me!